Sunday, October 23, 2011

Crazy Covers: Props Edition

Yep, it's crazy cover time again. The theme this time around: props. Giving your model something to hold is a lazy way to convey what the book is all about. Let's take a look...

He's thinking "I really should have pulled out."
Yeah...see? Right here, a baby! That's their way of saying "This is an oops! We made a baby!" book. I have to admit, surprise baby/pregnancy books are not my cup of tea. But if that's what you like, this cover would probably suck you in right off. Never mind that he looks NOTHING like that child. Get a paternity test, dude.

Umm...How long to I have to hold these things?
If one baby is good...two is twice as good? I'm not sure. But in any case, this one is funny because of his facial expression. He appears triumphant, surprised, and disturbed all at the same time. "I have procreated! I am all powerful!"

Anyone ever notice that it's the guys that are holding the baby on these covers, 9 times out of 10. Is mom off having a margarita or getting her nails done? I guess it's wish fulfillment for a female audience--a hot guy doing all the parenting!

That's a cruel trick to play on a sleeping person.
Putting food on your cover always draws me in, because I'm basically always hungry. This one is really dangerous though! You shouldn't eat laying down! And cherries have pits! Is he "Tempted" to choke her to death?

I bet the photographer made her hold that pose for like 20 minutes, just to be mean.
Ah, the giant sword. Good for letting potential readers know that this is a fantasy book (or in some cases historical) and that there will be lot's of magical stuff, in case the "Dragon" in the title didn't tip you off. This one bugs me though, because nothing about her stance or grip on that thing suggests that she actually knows how to use a sword. I'm pretty sure she's going to lose her grip and slice her own head open. Plus, what the hell is she wearing? Did she make a slutty tank top out of the last dragon she killed? I guess that would make sense.

That glowing necklace can't be good. Radiation like that will give you cancer.
And then there's this stupid chick. Brandishing her gun ineffectually. Holding her...magic necklace of doooom? The whole pose looks like an awkward dance move in a crowded club. Plus it looks like her pants are literally on fire. This is not a person I'd expect to live very long.

Hey there, Mr. Model Guy, if you could clench a few more muscles that would be great. Thanks.

For fans of sports! And shirtlessness! I'm pretty sure no one plays baseball shirtless and in jeans, but whatever. I won't spoil the fantasy. Hey, if we photoshop a baby in there somewhere he could be the PERFECT guy.


  1. Lol, another very funny post :)

    I LOVE the facial expression of the guy holding the twins! Sooo funny! And the girl on the Retribution cover does look so awkward!

    And as I'm British I don't really know much about baseball - but you are kidding when you say they don't play shirtless aren't you? There goes that dream...

    Great post ;)

  2. Chrissie, nope baseball is not a shirtless game...usually :)

  3. I'm sitting here on the couch snorting and chuckling, getting strange looks from The Man. Thanks for that. LOL

    LOVE the covers! I'm with you on the sword thing - drives me nuts. Oh, and the look on the TwinDad's face? Actually quite realistic - it's a combination of disbelief and panic; I know because I had twins, and yes, walked out of the ultrasound room looking remarkably like that. ;)

  4. i don't like the fruit one at all! i would be embarassed to read that in public!


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